Why

Why do I put myself threw this. Why do I have to have so much hope. Why do I continuously let this happen. Why do I give you excuses.

Why am I still here

It'll pass...right?

Maybe it's only going to last a little bit. Last time it seemed to have lasted weeks. I keep asking myself how I think I can keep doing this over and over. Is it fair?
When things are rough all the attention has to be directed at him. By now I know I can't have feelings unless I want to make things worse, but today I'm in pain. I can't even be sick? I don't get it. As much as I'd love to give you all of my attention and devotion there's times when I can't. When I need to be cared for, not these negative attitudes.
Sometimes I just wish I could escape for a bit. Just go for a drive and clear my head. But I can't even do that.

It's been awhile since I've posted but today out of all days my thoughts must be sorted out.
One little argument just like always turns into this ..... this time I decided to do research cuz I'm fed up with the same thoughts that fill my head overtime.
Maybe I'm not cut out to be with you. Like I tell every other military wife.." its takes a special person to love someone with ptsd" maybe I'm not strong enough. Maybe I've already dealt with too many other people reflecting there hurt on me.
I can't change him.... all I can do is love him. But now I realize there's something Im missing. It hurts to sit back and think that there's a good chance I'm not cut out to be able to take on this role.  Love out of all things is the hardest to give up...specially since he means so much to me.. here's the deal cassie... you can leave and save yourself and possibly even save him...or you can keep having faith. Pick your weapon cuz either way your in a long road of struggle and hurt...
Here's were I ask myself...do I deserve this? Does he truly need me. Does the good out way the bad? Is the emotional whiplash worth it. What do I do from here? Where do I go? I was sold a dream and.somewhere in the fine print there where nightmares is have to live through in order to live ly fairy take love story. Ptsd isn't something I have a cure for...and the love I have to offer doesn't seem to ne cutting it... maybe it puts a damper but can I bare it any longer.