Cracked diamond, abused being. Is this heaven?

I spose I let people misunderstand me. I spose its because I don't let people read my pages so its their best instinct to go off my cover. I spose this is all my fault but I dunno how to let them in.
I tried burning pages and skipping chapters but where did that leave me? Lost. I try to give previews but its just leaves people even more confused.
My intentions are never cruel but they leave people pondering my innocence. Could I be just an innocent girl in a cruel world? Could I just be a diamond buried and forgotten in the rubble. Or I am just like everyone else?
Lord why I am I here? What is my purpose? What is my bigger plan? You left a purpose in my heart but you failed to let me know exactly what it is. Did I miss it? Even I know there's plenty of times you could have taken me but you didn't. Why? What keeps you from expiring my visa? Who's life am I supposed to change. You left a quote buried in my brain im still trying to live up to. What's the need for all the abuse and neglect? Why do people have to have cruel and ugly intentions? Why me? Lord for once I feel needed and loved like I always begged for. I promised you I wouldn't take it for granted and here I am trying to make up for the times I did but I promise you I never once had the intentions of damaging what you gave me. I sware he's all I've ever wanted and need. Show me how to fix the cracks and believe me when I say Im truely blessed. Who would have know you had someone just like me waiting for my love on the other side of this fucked up nation. Who wanted and needed the same as me. But how do you take two damage diamonds and make them into something beautiful. How? I need to know. What is my purpose? How do I let him in? And lastly how do I fix him... me....us. "When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a manor that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice" - author unknownis

From the moment you woke up this morning I knew it would be one of those days. Your anxiety... I can feel it ... I can taste it like its dripping out of your pores.
What if I'm just trying for nothing. What if all the way we've come just loops us in circles. Is this a dead end? When do I decide to throw in the towel.
Why does love have to hurt so bad. Do I belong here.?
Is this relationship garbage to you.? You toss me out like the trash when your mad. Am I that easy to get rid of. Is a shirt worth back tracking for? Is anxiety worth screaming over.
I'm here to love you...but is love enough for you?

Come back to me.

Ive been asking him all day why's he's not talking or why he's acting blah and distant but all I get is denial.. trying to start a conversation was a fail. Trying to turn him on in the middle of a day was a fail.
Ugh... I pray the last couple days weren't too good to be true.

I'm trying.... your not the only one with Insecurities.
But for some reason every time I tell you what's bothering me ..you act dumb...denial. and it gets turned on me.
Obviously you don't realize I've been watching the situation all day. So your excuses are silly.
This is just me venting.
I just want my old joey ... where is he? The one the could make me feel like a million dollars on the worst of days. The one who could keep his hand off me ... always had to have atleast an ARM around me.  Maybe he forgot how we had to fight for just a kiss. How falling asleep in eachothers arms was yet a dream we both had. 

What's going on here?

Am I being avoided by the man I live with? There's more times in the day where it's nearly impossible to start a conversation. Everyone's else you can chat up a storm with. Are we becoming strangers?
Even the sex is different then It was a couple months ago.
Are your feelings lost? Is it just the medicine? I'm sitting here trying to convince myself it's just my head but its almost a daily routine now.... And the weirdness with the cell phone? Do I say something.
No... Because I don't want to fight... And I don't want to know. I pray every night while I can't shut off my mind that its just me worrying too much. Please lord.... Let it just be me.... Make it go away. Bring my Joey back

I feel like an outcast here. Honestly I hate living in this house. There's too many people and at the end of the day I don't even think a majority of them like me. My bills have out weighed our income and frankly were depending now of money that isn't even coming until god knows when. I'm too stressed.

Something fishy is going on and its more then obvious your up to no good

Why

Why do I put myself threw this. Why do I have to have so much hope. Why do I continuously let this happen. Why do I give you excuses.

Why am I still here